They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
