I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
