i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
