bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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