how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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