One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
