So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
