I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
