mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
soo... how was my night?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
