the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
