no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
