are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
