Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
