why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
