just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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