We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
