I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I need to sanitize my soul.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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