is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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