My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
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They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
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You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize