By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
