God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
