matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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