So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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