Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
