Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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