Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
