just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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