Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
its not stalking. its research.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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