Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
