i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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