Im at strip club and am horny
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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