I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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