Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
