Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
