TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
