as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Randomize
