Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
