That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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