My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
