We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
