its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
