Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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