wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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