I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So many bounce houses so little time
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
