so let's talk penis.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
