Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
