I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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