hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
