batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
