i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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