guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
