so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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