we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
