Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
