almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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