Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
