so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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