Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
