felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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