I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
