He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
