Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
