i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
babies were throwing up all over the place
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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