I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize