I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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