We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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