I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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