You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You may now shotgun with the bride
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You ate ashes out of my bong
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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