I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think my vagina is haunted
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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