what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
