but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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