Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
