we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
His nipple licking is glorious
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