porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
