So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
